i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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