Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
