Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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