Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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