Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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