They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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