it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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