i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
