Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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