I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
