I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
