Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
