I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
