I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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