when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize