I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
