dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
