my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
