You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
