god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize