Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
