I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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