eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
