I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
