looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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