video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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