I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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