someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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