Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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