I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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