Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
