Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
