Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
