Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
its liver damage thursday
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
