I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
