i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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