If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
