So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
