You're a womanizer and a bitch.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
