so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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