Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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