Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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