You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
