our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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