I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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