woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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