You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.