loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
