Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
