It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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