We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
