i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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