I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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