Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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