She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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