she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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