Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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