Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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